A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
