Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My cat gives me a boner
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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