I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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