4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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