imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
