ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
