Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
