No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
