I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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