dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
