Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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