You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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