Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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