3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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