a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
