I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Acid is not a monday night drug
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm too high and old for this...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
