I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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