i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she looked like the before picture.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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