alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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