cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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