this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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