I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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