consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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