I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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