I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
