I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
