Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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