Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
cat food counts as protein by the way
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
