I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
