Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
