I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
