I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Success! We fucked roommates!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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