It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
