you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
