well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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