if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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