school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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