oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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