I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
