He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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