I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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