That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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