So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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