And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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