Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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