i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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