period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
