Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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