What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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