My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize