i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
