Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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