Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
