first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
