AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
