are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
