just tell him i said nine months
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
