My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
