That's when you crack a 10am beer
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
