Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she looked like the before picture.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
