my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
