ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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