Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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