I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
