Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
