I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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