I'm lost and stupid without you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
