the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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