I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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